“The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes.”
- Tony Blair
How can you confidently respond when someone makes a request you’d prefer not to accommodate?
This
article shares some ideas you can use to make sure you don’t find
yourself doing something you’d very much prefer not to do.
The
question has just been posed. Pause. Was your inclination to say yes,
even though there’s a voice deep down saying “no.” Well, let’s raise
the volume on that voice. What possible reasons could there be for
saying no?
· It’s beyond your means?
· It’s beyond your comfort level?
· You have no interest?
Identify
all the reasons you have for saying “no.” Identify which stem from a
lack of confidence, versus a sincere disinterest in fulfilling the
request.
What would happen if you said yes? Perhaps:
· You would be considered a teamplayer.
· It would make your boss happy.
· Your visibility with higher-ups would be improved.
It’s comes down to a simple cost/benefit really.
Would the discomfort involved in saying yes outweigh the benefits of possibly going along with the request?
Or, do the benefits outweigh your temporary discomforts?
the role of guilt
Saying
“no” is hard for many of us and guilt often comes into play. Whether
this guilt has its foundation in religion, a proper upbringing, or a
worldview that simply says “it’s not nice to say no,” we often
recognize it and make decisions we’d rather not be making, based upon
it.
saying “no”
You’ve
made the decision, after scientifically weighing the results of your
cost/benefit analysis, do honestly say “NO”. Well, go ahead and say it
clearly, and self-assuredly…in the mirror. Look yourself in the eye,
and do it. Just say “NO.”
Say
it like you really mean it, and then say it again as you would to
whomever made the request of you. When you pretend you’re speaking to
the person who made the request, does it come out differently? Practice
and experiment with different ways to say “NO” until you find one
you’re comfortable with. Then go, and say “NO.”
after you say “no”
If
you’re used to giving in to others, then guess what? After all that
practice, you may just be surprised to find that they are not willing
to accept it! They may push, rephrase the question, or make a new, not
altogether different, request.
Be
prepared for this! Know your boundary — what ARE you willing to do?
Revisit the questions you asked yourself before — what would happen if
you said no, or yes? If you are serious about saying “NO” then stick to
your guns.
Tell the
individual making the request that you would appreciate it if they
respected your wishes, and ask them to refrain from pursuing it
further. If you are comfortable expressing your “reasons why” then do
so speaking from your personal perspective.
tips on how to say your “no!”
1. The “Wet lettuce NO”
If
you are going to say NO, you must say it in a way that means NO! Saying
NO in a quiet, unassuming voice is like a hand shake that is floppy and
limp.
By saying NO in a
non confident manner it will make you feel as though you have got to
convince the other person about your decision and the reasons why you
have said it!
2. The “Mr Angry NO”
This
is at the other end of the spectrum in how to say NO. It is done in an
aggressive manner and usually said with contempt. It is not an
effective way to communicate your NO.
Here
are a couple of examples: “NO. I’m not doing that rubbish. You’ve got
to be joking aren’t you.” And: “NO. I wouldn’t lower myself to do that
piece of work”
3. The assertive NO
This is the best way to say NO! In a firm, yet polite voice say: “No. I will not be able to do that for you”
Also,
if you want to say the reasons why, keep it short and sweet: “No. I
will not be able to do that for you. I will be having my hair done at
that time”
4. Use effective body language
When
saying NO remember the power of non-verbal communications: Look the
person in the eye when you say the NO; shake your head at the same time
as saying NO; stand up tall; use a firm tone in your voice.
5. When all is said and done
Don’t forget that when anyone asks a question of you, you are perfectly OK to say, “Can I think about that and get back to you?”
No-one
should be pressurized into giving an immediate answer, even if the
delay is only a couple of minutes. It will give you some time to think
it through and to gather your thoughts.
It will also give you some time to think about how you are going to say it, the words to use and your body language.
saying “no” exercise
Practice makes perfect as they say! What I would like you to do for the next 7 days is to start to say NO more often.
So
whether it is the double glazing salesman, the cold call, “Would you
like fries with that” or the shop assistant — practice saying NO to one
person for at least the next 7 days.
You will be an expert come the end of the week!
what will happen
· You will feel much more confident and proud.
· You will find that practice makes perfect — the more you confidently say “NO” the easier it becomes.
· Others will respect your wishes and take you seriously the first time you say “NO.”
· You won’t find yourself doing things you never wanted to do in the first place.
· You’ll have more time to focus on the things you do want to be involved in.
The list goes on from there…
